You do deserve it

 You do deserve it.

That thing you so desperately want, but that you're afraid to ask for Him for.

Whenever you're about to say, "O Allah grant me..." the words get stuck in your throat. Because you just don't know if you're "worthy", if you're "ready", if you're willing to receive it.

You've been taught about dua/prayer. So you know that when you ask Him, Allah may bring that thing to fruition, or something better. That's beautiful, but you're scared of what that might mean. Your life will change, you'll have more responsibility, you'll have to step up to the task.

And it feels comfortable where you are. Even if you've stagnated.

At the core of it all, you think you don't deserve that thing you want because you're flawed. You're so full of mental and emotional contradictions, and you've committed so many sins that you think--why should I have anything good?

So you stop asking. You become silent after your prayers. You fold up your mat and go on with your day. And you try not to think about that thing you so desperately want.

It doesn't work, though. You still think about it. You still dream about it. And the words that are stuck in your throat claw at you because they want to be spoken out loud. They want to travel up to the heavens.

He knows more than anyone how flawed you are. But He never says, "Ask me only if you're perfect".